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Tänkte posta dom här very secret diary av LOTR karaktärer...det är mycket text(Men dom är j*vligt roliga!!!)

The Very Secret Diary of ARAGORN SON OF ARATHORN

DAY 1

Ringwraiths killed: 4. V. good.

Met up with Hobbits. Walked forty miles. Skinned a squirrel and ate it.

Still not King.

DAY 4

Stuck on mountain with Hobbits. Boromir really annoying.

Not King yet.

DAY 6

Orcs killed: none. Disappointing.

Stubble update: I look rugged and manly. Yes!

Keep wanting to drop-kick Gimli. Holding myself back.

Still not King.

DAY 10

Sorry no entries lately. V. dark in Mines of Moria. Big Balrog.

Not King today either.

DAY 11

Orcs killed: 7. V. good.

Stubble update: Looking mangy.

Legolas may be hotter than me. I wonder if he would like me if I was King?

DAY 28

Beginning to find Frodo disturbingly attractive. Have a feeling if I make a move, Sam would kill me. Also, hairy feet kind of a turn-off.

Still not King.

DAY 30

In Lothlorien. Think Galadriel was hitting on me. Saucy wench.

Nice chat with Boromir. He’s not so bad. Took a shower. Yay!

But still not King.

DAY 32

Orcs killed: none.

Stubble update: subtly hairy.

Legolas told me that a shadow and a threat had been growing in his mind.

Nope, not King.

DAY 33

Orcs killed: Countless thousands. V. good.

Boromir killed by Orcs. Bummer. RIP Boromir.

Still not King, but at least Boromir seemed to think I was. Might however have been blood loss.

DAY 34

Frodo went to Mordor. Said he was going alone, but took Sam with him. Why?

Still not King, goddammit.

**********

The Very Secret Diary of LEGOLAS SON OF WEENUS

*dedicated to Emily for her fearless defense of Elijah*

DAY 1

Went to Council of Elrond. Was prettiest person there. Agreed to follow some tiny little man to Mordor to throw ring into volcano. Very important mission - gold ring so tacky.

DAY 4

Boromir so irritating. Why must he wear big shield like dinner plate all the time? Climbed up Caradhras but wimpy humans who cannot walk on snow insisted we climb back down.

Am definitely prettiest member of the Fellowship. Go me!

DAY 6

Far too dark in Mines of Moria to brush hair properly. Am very afraid I am developing a tangle.

Orcs so silly.

Still the prettiest.

DAY 10

Gandalf fell into shadow. In other news, I think I am developing a spot on my nose. V. serious situation, as Elven spots likely to last for 500 years or more.

Still prettiest, despite blasted spot.

DAY 11

In Lothlorien. Suspect Galadriel may be prettier than me. Also, am quite sure she copied my hairstyle. I was wearing that same look at least 1,000 years ago. Silly bint. She was most annoyed that I used her mirrored fountain to take a nice bubble bath. I choose to ignore her claim that my hair clogged her drain. Not one strand of my hair has fallen out in 800 years, why would it start now?

Still prettiest by far.

DAY 30

All this paddling about in boats is hell on my complexion.

Aragorn obviously starting to find Frodo strangely attractive. Sam will kill him if he tries anything.

Still the prettiest.

DAY 33

Boromir tempted by Ring. So tedious. Cannot be tempted myself, as I already have everything I want i.e. perfect hair.

Have been getting very strange letters from someone calling herself "Stacey". Fortunately have super-duper elf vision so can run away if I see her coming.

DAY 35

Boromir dead. Very messy death, most uncessesary. Did get kissed by Aragorn as he expired. Does a guy have to get shot full of arrows around here to get any action? Boromir definitely not prettier than me. Cannot understand it. Am feeling a pout coming on.

Frodo off to Mordor with Sam. Tiny little men caring about each other, rather cute really.

Am quite sure Gimli fancies me. So unfair. He is waist height, so can see advantages there, but chunky braids and big helmet most offputting. Forsee dark times ahead, very dark times.

**********

The Very Secret Diary of BOROMIR OF GONDOR

DAY 1

Went to Council of Elrond. Aragorn acting all superior as usual. He thinks he's so great because he's got that bit of elf crumpet on the side. I mean just because someone has a broad chest, firm, defined muscles, an outdoorsy tan and loads of manly stubble doesn't mean that....what? Got distracted there for a bit.

Seem to have agreed to go on some sort of mission while distracted by Aragorn's ...rudeness.

Ooops.

DAY 3

Stupid Ring, stupid Quest, stupid Fellowship.

DAY 4

Frodo dropped Ring today. Picked it up, but Aragorn made me give it back. Arrogant b!*$&\%d. Wonder how he'd feel with Horn of Gondor shoved right up his...

Stupid Ring.

DAY 4

Is obvious that Aragorn is strangely attracted to Frodo.

Ha Ha! Ha!

Sam will kill him if he tries anything.

DAY 6

Aragorn still into Frodo. "Boromir, give the Ring back to Froooodoo." "Boromir, let *me* carry Frodo up Caradhras." "Boromir, quit trying to cut off Frodo's head while he's asleep so you can get at the Ring."

Blatant favoritism most annoying.

DAY 10

Why isn't Aragorn into me ?

DAY 11

Carried Frodo out of Mines of Moria.

Kind of liked it, actually.

Hope am not turning into hobbit-fancier like Uncle Windermir. Not after what happened to *him.* Merry and Pippin are cute little things, too...

In other news, Gandalf died.

DAY 30

In Lothlorien. Galadriel quite a babe. Feel sure she was attracted to my rugged yet unwashed manliness.

Legolas took a bath in her fountain. Got in trouble. Ha. Ha. Big elfy git. Am quite sure he dyes his hair. Also, he has spot on his nose.

Aragorn suggested we take baths as well. Only realized in nick of time he did not mean with each other.

Stupid Aragorn.

DAY 33

Frodo being all weird about the Ring. Won't even let me look at it. Must admit I had a bit of a tussle with him trying to get a gander at it. Rolled around on him till he went invisible. Resisted urge to have a little cuddle (made easier when he punched me in the face.)

Aragorn would be jealous. Ha!

DAY 35

Killed by orcs.

Stupid orcs.

**********

The very secret diary of FRODO BAGGINS:

DAY 1

Feeling much better in House of Elrond after nice long nap. Also, Sam gave me fabulous backrub and bubble bath. Platonic, brotherly love so wonderful. Wasn't quite entirely sure why he needed to suck on my toes, but am assured it has something to do with Elf medicine.

DAY 3

Have agreed to carry Ring to Mordor. In hindsight, probably a bad move.

DAY 4

Aragorn and Boromir had big fight over who got to carry me up Mount Caradhras. Aragorn shoved Boromir into snowbank. Boromir bit Aragorn on the ear. Ring must be affecting them more seriously than I thought.

DAY 6

Woke up to find Aragorn playing with buttons on my shirt. He must be after the Ring. Damn its siren call. Ah well, Sam will kill him if he tries anything.

DAY 10

Today Legolas began stroking my inner thigh with his bow. Was stunned. Had no idea Legolas wanted the Ring too. It must truly be an object of awesome power.

DAY 11

Gandalf showed me very strange trick he can do. Apparently pointy wizard hat not just for show. Wonder if Ring is affecting him, or perhaps he is just v. peculiar.

DAY 24

Finally feel rested. Is too dark in Mines of Moria for Aragorn to find me and pinch me as he has been doing lately. Gandalf fell into shadow. Was sad to see pointy hat go.

DAY 27

Lothlorien so pretty. Galadriel pretty too. Offered her One Ring, but she kept saying, "No, there's something else I'd rather have from you, Frodo Baggins," and trying to slide foot up inside my breeches. So, gave her my extra pair of breeches since she seemed fond of them. Maybe some kind of breeches shortage in

Lothlorien.

DAY 30

Rowed all day in boats. V. tired. Merry and Pippin offered to give me a group massage. Nice to have such v. concerned friends. Glad Ring is not affecting them. Although did not need back rubbed quite so much.

Pippin does remember we're cousins, right?

Right?

DAY 33

Boromir tried to take the Ring. Am not entirely certain, but am fairly sure he also tried to have a little cuddle. Was most unnerving, as Boromir quite huge.

DAY 36

Everyone keeps hitting on me. Cannot cope. Off to Mordor. Sam coming too. Good thing, as will enable me to have more of those platonic, brotherly foot massages he's so good at. Am sad to leave rest of Company though, as found myself quite fancying Gimli. Ah, well, he never would have liked me anyway.

**********

The Very Secret Diary of SAMWISE GAMGEE

DAY 1

Frodo stabbed by Morgul blade. Oh no! Pippin cried. Told Pippin it would be all right as Mr. Frodo far too hot to die.

Did I say that out loud?

DAY 3

Have followed Mr. Frodo to Rivendell where Elves will heal him. Gandalf told me to help poor unconscious Mr. Frodoget out of dirty clothes. So took clothes off him and gave him a bath. And another one. Then gave him another bath. Gandalf came and told me six baths was quite enough, Samwise Gamgee.

Poncy old git probably hasn't taken a bath since the Second Age.

DAY 4

Wonder if it is time for Mr. Frodo to have another bath yet.

DAY 5

Elf bubble bath v. colorful and pretty.

Gandalf no fun at all.

*sulk*

DAY 6

Mr. Frodo awake! Is doing well although also seems concerned as to why his fingers are all wrinkled.

Decided not to tell him about all the baths.

DAY 7

Snuck into Council of Elrond. Frodo offered to take Ring to Mordor. Mr. Frodo is so brave, handsome, tall and wonderful! Okay, so possibly isn't all that tall.

DAY 8

Off to Mordor. Other members of Fellowship v. dodgy if you ask me. Especially Boromir. "Teaching Merry and Pippin how to sword-fight." my Aunt Lobelia!

DAY 9

Aragorn just as dodgy as Boromir. Obviously fancies Mr. Frodo. Will kill him if he tries anything.

DAY 10

V. dark in Mines of Moria. Used flat edge of sword to whack Aragorn every time he tried to pinch Mr. Frodo in the dark.

Gandalf fell into bottomless pit. Mr. Frodo said something later about pointy wizard hat, but did not understand it as am innocent young hobbit from Shire not versed in wordly ways.

Pippin says Legolas likes Gimli.

Ick.

DAY 15

Lothlorien v. pretty. Blonde elf lady absolutely hitting on poor Mr. Frodo left, right and center. Pippin agrees. Told Pippin height difference would make relationship impossible. Pippin said Mr. Frodo could stand on stilts.

Hate Pippin.

DAY 22

Leaving Lothlorien. Bye-bye grabby elf lady.

Not sure where going exactly, but is obviously somewhere water-related, as have been given boats. Do not care really as long as get to share boat with Mr. Frodo.

DAY 23

Boromir finally acted on his feelings for Mr. Frodo. Got shot down of course (hurrah!) but not before made spectacle of himself. Claims was trying to take Ring so as to rule world and bring down evil, but we all know that's a big fib don't we.

DAY 24

Boromir killed by orcs. Knew orcs good for something.

Frodo off to Mordor. Taking me along, hurrah! Mr. Frodo needs cheering up as seems inexplicably sorry to say goodbye to Gimli, as well as is depressed.

We will see about that.

**********

The Very Secret Diary of GANDALF THE GREY

DAY 1

In Shire. Stunning vista of innocent and pastoral beauty. Is it me, or was Frodo just hanging around in that field doing something unseemly before I came along?

DAY 2

Bilbo's Birthday party improved by substantial amount of hobbit weed. Everyone sho nice. Bilbo nice too. Lights sho pretty. Frodo not bad either. Hobbits sho cuddly. Whups. Fellover.

DAY 3

Massive ******* hangover. Off to Minas Tirith for some aspirin.

DAY 12

Went to Saruman for advice about Ring but he had become evil. Nobody tells me anything. Apparently there was a memo. Radagast the Brown probably stealing paper out of my inbox again.

DAY 13

Stuck on top of tower. Great view, but constant pelting sleet not good for pointy hat. Am amusing self by spitting gum down on the Orcs.

DAY 14

Visited again by Saruman who tried to grab a feel. As if!

DAY 16

Am lonely. Saruman maybe not so unattractive after all. If only were not for giantly flaring nostrils and huge clawlike fingernails...okay you'd think I might have figured out he was evil before.

DAY 19

Escaped. Am in Rivendell. Sam slightly out of control. Keeps giving Frodo baths. Elves all out of strawberry-scented soap now. Elrond getting annoyed.

DAY 20

Elrond has decided to send Frodo away as is tired of never being able to get into the first-floor bathroom. Big folderol about Ring. Have agreed to go with Fellowship in case Sam might decide to give ME a bath. Could use one.

DAY 21

Aragorn obviously into Frodo. Sam will kill him if he tries anything. Asked Sam to give me a bath. He said, "Ha ha, Mister Gandalf, you're not serious." Useless git.

DAY 23

V. cold on top of Caradhras. Aragorn won fight about who got to carry Frodo up the mountain. Boromir sulking. If Legolas keeps nancing about on top of the snow, may have to hit him with my staff.

DAY 25

Do not want to go through Mines of Moria, as suspect Balrog still angry about bad date we went on back in Second Age.

DAY 26

In Mines of Moria. Yep, Balrog still angry.

DAY 27

Fell into shadow. Balrog such a prat. Have decided not to tell the rest of Fellowship. Will make up story about having engaged in huge battle instead. Off to see Elrond to get quite unpleasant third degree burns treated. Hope Elrond does not laugh at me. If he does, will tell everyone about his weekend with Sauron. Ha!

**********

The Very Secret Diary of PEREGRIN TOOK

DAY 1

Was out pilfering vegetables when bumped into Sam and Frodo. Had a nice little roll around with Frodo in corn before was forcibly removed by Sam. Must have Håller med till 100%! with Frodo about letting servants get overly familiar and grabby.

Fell down hill. Merry v. disappointed that he broke his carrot.

DAY 2

V. nice in Rivendell. Sick of rooming with Sam though. Constantly sopping wet and reeking of strawberries. Also tired of elves mistaking me for unusually lifelike lawn ornament.

DAY 3

Joined Fellowship of Ring for a lark. Everyone v. nice except Legolas seems a bit testy. Yesterday held me upside down over crevasse until I admitted he was the prettiest elf in the Fellowship. Did not feel like pointing out he was only elf in Fellowship, as crevasse was very deep.

DAY 7

Has been twenty-five days since met Aragorn and he has not yet washed his hair. Is really starting to bother me.

DAY 9

Sam all wrong about Boromir. Really very nice man. Invited me to go for a walk with him tonight and said he would let me blow his Horn of Gondor. Can’t wait.

Later that night:

Always thought blowing the Horn of Gondor was supposed to summon armies of the West? Apparently not. V. educational, all the same.

DAY 11

V. dark in mines of Moria. Still sort of a relief as means Boromir cannot corner me and complain how Aragorn is insensitive, stuck up git with hobbit fixation. Pot calling kettle black if you ask me. Aragorn obviously way into Frodo, however. Sam will kill him if he tries anything.

DAY 13

Caught Legolas waxing soles of Aragorn’s boots, thus explaining why Aragorn keeps collapsing into his arms. Tricky elf. Aragorn still hasn’t washed his hair.

DAY 14

Gandalf dead. Everyone morose. In attempt to cheer up Fellowship, Legolas performed scenes from Silmarillion: The Musical. Everyone still morose. Legolas ponced off to have 3,000-year-old elf prince sulk.

DAY 15

Lothlorien v. pretty. Accidentally walked in on Gimli taking a bath. Now understand what Gandalf meant about there being scarier things than Orcs. May have nightmares for weeks.

DAY 16

Aragorn washed his hair. Hurrah.

DAY 20

Boromir wrote me a poem. Merry says I am leading him on. Of course, Merry also says I cry like a girl. Merry a total b!*$&\%d most of the time, actually.

Poem not very good. Did not rhyme. Feel slighted.

DAY 30

Told Boromir I did not feel ready to commit, so he went and got himself shot by Orcs. Honestly. Humans so oversensitive sometimes.

Have been kidnapped by Uruk-hai. Not very friendly types. Orcs v. smelly. Suddenly miss Boromir.

**********

The very secret diary of SARUMAN THE WHITE

DAY 1

Am bored. No cable in Isengard. Nothing to do but write rude anonymous letters to Radagast the Brown and Manfred the Slightly Ecru.

Perhaps will have a look at the palantir.

DAY 2

Have met v. nice guy via palantir. He seems to really like me for me and not just because am most powerful wizard in Middle Earth. Wonder what he looks like.

DAY 3

Am becoming disenchanted with palantir guy. Refuses to send me photo, except of one v. large eyeball. Says he is shy but I rather suspect he is fat, or perhaps hairy. Have heard some v. bad stories about palantir relationships. Should probably cool it for a while.

DAY 7

Well, wouldn't you know, palantir guy turned out to be Dark Lord of Mordor. Just my luck. Could have been worse, I guess. Sauron not far or hairy, just disembodied force of evil. Must go now, have to raise massive demon army to scourge the earth. Also, have manicure appointment. Is no easy task keeping nails pointy.

DAY 9

Typical. Gandalf just came waltzing by and he knows I hate drop-ins. Wanted to yap on and on all about the ring he gave his new boyfriend, terrible pervy hobbit-fancier old Gandalf is. Disgrace to the Order. Just wants to show off and remind me that he's got a hobbit, and I'm just dating an eyeball. Well, Saruman the White does not stand for this treatment. Showed him my Wizard Wrestling Federation moves. Have delivered smackdown. Go me.

DAY 13

Am tired of climbing up and down eight million stairs just to taunt Gandalf. Should have imprisoned him in easy-access dungeon where could taunt more effectively, and would not have to wait until after breakfast.

DAY 14

All right, who's been spitting gum down on the orcs? Honestly.

DAY 15

Was right in middle of really good taunt and Gandalf escaped. Ah well. Will save me daily stair climb.

DAY 16

Have been watching in palantir. Gandalf faffed off on extending camping trip with four hobbits, a v. buff elf, and rather fanciable human -- oh bother, that's Aragorn son of Arathorn. Once threw him out of Isengard for whinging about not being King yet. Then there's a shady-looking character and some kind of hairy newt. Or maybe it's a dwarf.

What a bunch of yobbos.

DAY 20

Have crossed orcs with goblin men in caverns below Isengard. V. tedious experience as orcs and goblin men most reluctant to breed, even with dinner and flowers. Next time will try something easier, such as breeding goblins and cheerleaders to create super-perky army that can travel by day and will not complain about pink uniforms.

DAY 22

Did not know when decided to make demon army for Sauron that would be so darn messy. Curse my decision to be Saruman the White. Should have decided to be Saruman the Muddy Brown, or Saruman the Faintly Greenish. White just shows all the slime.

DAY 24

If keep watching in palantir, perhaps will see Gandalf do pointy hat trick?

DAY 25

Gandalf did pointy hat trick! Ringbearer v. impressed. Aragorn obviously fancies trousers off the Ringbearer. Sam will kill him if he tries anything.

DAY 25

Hairy newt is most definitely dwarf. Caught him playing hide-the-helmet with one of the hobbits. Other human seems to be Boromir of Gondor. Am I only one who has long wanted to ride to Minas Tirith and tell Steward that "Gondor" sounds just like "gonad" and they should find less silly name? Perhaps it is just me.

DAY 28

Uruk-hai nearly ready to go. Watched Fellowship a bit today. Boromir convinced smallest hobbit to "Blow the Horn of Gondor." Have not laughed so hard since set Balrog up with Gandalf during Second Age and Gandalf stuck Balrog with restaurant bill. Palantir great. Better than cable.

[Leone]

Du får ursäkta, men den om "hitman" sööög ju!

Jag har kört spelet, och jag kan se vissa likheter, men alla dessa "upprepningar" sabbade.

Alla "fucking" förstörde också...

Redigerad 2 mars, 2003 av Leone

[Funnylin]

Du får ursäkta, men den om "hitman" sööög ju!

Jag har kört spelet, och jag kan se vissa likheter, men alla dessa "upprepningar" sabbade.

Alla "fucking" förstörde också...

Jasså???...Jag tycker den är rätt bra!..Vad tycker du om sagan om ringen dag böckerna då???...Dom är asbra!!!