Vilken komiker finner du roligast?

[Funnylin]

Såg just Bill Hicks sista (tror jag) show som han gjorde innan han dog, Revelations. Den killen var rolig, han var riktigt jävla rolig.

"I'm tired of this back-slapping "Isn't humanity neat?" bullshit. We're a virus with shoes, okay? That's all we are."

"I'm sorry if any of you are catholic. I'm not sorry if you're offended, I'm actually just sorry by the fact that you're catholic."

"Why is marijuana against the law? It grows naturally upon our planet. Doesn't the idea of making nature against the law seem to you a bit... unnatural? You know what I mean? It's nature. How do you make nature against the fucking law?"

"They lie about marijuana. Tell you pot-smoking makes you unmotivated. Lie! When you're high, you can do everything you normally do, just as well. You just realize that it's not worth the fucking effort. There is a difference."

"I'm not a girl, I'm a guy you know? But at the same time, I tell ya how you can solve this abortion issue right now. Ready? Those unwanted babies that single moms leave in alleys and in dumpsters? Leave about 12 of those on the steps of The Supreme Court. This is over. Like that. "You guys said we had to have them? Then you guys...FUCKING RAISE 'EM." "Raise 'em then, you fucking fucking raise 'em. YOU raise 'em. You said I had to have it? Then it's yours. Fuck. It's yours..Take it"

"I can speak for every guy here in this room tonight. Guys, if you could blow yourselves, ladies, you'd be in this room alone right now... watching an empty stage. Boy, my folks are proud of me. "Bill, honey, you still doing that suck-your-own-cock bit?"

"Remember that a few years ago, you play albums backwards there are satanic messages? Let me tell you something, if you've ever sat around playing your albums backwards, you are Satan."

"See I think drugs have done some good things for us. If you don't think drugs have done good things for us then do me a favor. Go home tonight and take all of your records,tapes and all your CD's and burn them. Because, you know all those musicians who made all that great music that's enhanced your lives throughout the years? Rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrreal fucking high on drugs, man."

"No, I don't do drugs anymore, either. But I'll tell you something about drugs. I used to do drugs, but I'll tell you something honestly about drugs, honestly, and I know it's not a very popular idea, you don't hear it very often anymore, but it is the truth: I had a great time doing drugs. Sorry. Never murdered anyone, never robbed anyone, never raped anyone, never beat anyone, never lost a job, a car, a house, a wife or kids, laughed my ass off, and went about my day."

"The worst kind of non-smokers are the ones that come up to you and cough. That's pretty fucking cruel isn't it? Do you go up to cripples and dance too?"

"A lot of Christians wear crosses around their necks. Do you think when Jesus comes back he ever wants to see a fuckin' cross? It's kind of like going up to Jackie Onassis with a rifle pendant on."

"I love talking about the Kennedy assasination. The reason I do is because I'm fascinated by it. I'm fascinated that our government could lie to us so blatantly, so obviously for so long, and we do absolutely nothing about it. I think that's interesting in what is ostensibly a democracy. Sarcasm - come on in. People say "Bill, quit talking about Kennedy man. It was a long time ago, just let it go, alright? It's a long time ago, just forget it." I'm like, alright, then don't bring up Jesus to me. As long as we're talking shelf life here..."

"My final point about alchohol, about drugs, about Pornography...What business is it of your's what I do, read, buy, see or take into my body as long as I don't harm another human being whilst on this planet? And for those of you having a little moral dilemna on how to answer this, I'll answer for you. NONE OF YOUR FUCKING BUSINESS Take that to the bank, cash it and take it on a vacation outta my fucking life. And stop bringing shotguns to UFO sightings, they might be here to pick me up and take me with 'em."

"Fundamentalist Christianity - fascinating. These people actually believe that the the world is 12,000 years old. Swear to God. Based on what? I asked them."

"Well we looked at all the people in the Bible and we added 'em up all the way back to Adam and Eve, their ages: 12,000 years."

"Well how fucking scientific, okay. I didn't know that you'd gone to so much trouble. That's good. You believe the world's 12,000 years old?"

"That's right."

Okay, I got one w0rd to ask you, a one w0rd question, ready?

"Uh-huh."

"Dinosaurs?"

"You know the world is 12,000 years old and dinosaurs existed, they existed in that time, you'd think it would have been mentioned in the fucking Bible at some point."

"And lo Jesus and the disciples walked to Nazareth. But the trail was blocked by a giant brontosaurus... with a splinter in his paw. And O the disciples did run a shriekin': 'What a big fucking lizard, Lord!' But Jesus was unafraid and he took the splinter from the brontosaurus's paw and the big lizard became his friend."

Lite mycket där...

Uppdatering

Skådespelare:

Jim Carrey

Will Ferrell

Stand-up:

Bill Hicks (dog 1994)

Mitch Hedberg (dog tidigare i år)

Jerry Seinfeld

Programledare:

Conan O'Brien

Edit: Kolla in lite Mitch Hedberg citat http://www.thedotdotdot.com/humor/hedberg.html - scrolla ner lite. Klassiker som:

The next time I move I hope I get a real easy phone number, something like 2222222. People will ask, "Mitch, how do I get a hold of you?" I'll say, "Just press two for a while, when I answer, you'll know that you've pressed two enough."

On a traffic light yellow means yield, and green means go. On a banana, it's just the opposite, yellow means go ahead, green means stop, and red means, where'd you get that banana?

...and then at the end of the letter I like to write "P.S. - this is what part of the alphabet would look like if Q and R were eliminated.

I haven't slept for ten days, because that would be too long.

2-in-1 is a bullshit term, because 1 is not big enough to hold 2. That's why 2 was created.

At my hotel room, my friend came over and asked to use the phone. I said "Certainly." He said "Do I need to dial 9?" I say "Yeah. Especially if it's in the number. You can try four and five back to back real quick."

My lucky number is four billion. That doesn't come in real handy when you're gambling. "Come on, four billion! Fuck. Seven. I need more dice."

Mitch Hedberg

Redigerad 4 juli, 2005 av Funnylin

[GRIM(back]

Killen som härman arnold och massa andra... kommer inte på hans namn men han var med i jay leno show en gång

[Funnylin]

Btw: Demetri Martin äger också!

Killen som härman arnold och massa andra... kommer inte på hans namn men han var med i jay leno show en gång

Kan det vara Pablo Fracisco? Om det var invävt med "trailersnubben" och arnolds tortillashop (eller vad det var?) så är det han.

Redigerad 4 juli, 2005 av Funnylin

[Bubbli]

Okej, lite citat av Eddie Izzard. Tänk på att han pratar med väldigt olika accenter och om han gör Guds röst så tänk James Mason och är det Noahs (Noahs ark) så tänk Sean Connery.

"But then the Roman Empire fell like this- "oh shit". And we went into

what the historians called the Stupid Fucker period. Where everyone

was going -"er, I dunno. Is that a Roman road? Can we eat it?" Then

there was the dark Ages. " I can't even see you! Where are you?""

"Puberty is the sickest joke God plays on us. So you're just noticing members of the sex: "Girls girls, ooo". Naturally you want to look your best, and God says "No! You will look the worst you've ever looked in your life!""

"But with dogs, we do have “bad dog.” Bad dog exists. “Bad dog! Bad dog! Stole a biscuit, bad dog!” The dog is saying, “Who are you to judge me? You human beings who’ve had genocide, war against people of different creeds, colors, religions, and I stole a biscuit?! Is that a crime? People of the world!”

“Well, if you put it that way, I think you’ve got a point. Have another biscuit, sorry.”"

"And the National Rifle Association says that, "Guns don't kill people, people do,” but I think the gun helps, you know? I think it helps. I just think just standing there going, "Bang!" That's not going to kill too many people, is it? You'd have to be really dodgy on the heart to have that…"

"‘Cause, "Cake or death?" That's a pretty easy question. Anyone could answer that.

"Cake or death?"

"Eh, cake please."

"Very well! Give him cake!"

"Oh, thanks very much. It's very nice."

"You! Cake or death?"

“Uh, cake for me, too, please."

"Very well! Give him cake, too! We're gonna run out of cake at this rate. You! Cake or death?"

"Uh, death, please. No, cake! Cake! Cake, sorry. Sorry..."

"You said death first, uh-uh, death first!"

"Well, I meant cake!"

"Oh, all right. You're lucky I'm Church of England!" Cake or death?""

"I think on the seventh day, God was running around, going, “Oh, my God! What haven’t I…? Rwanda! I better create Rwanda! Sorry, haven’t quite done that… The Tower of Pisa! Oh, it’s leaning… Oh, shi… done! Toilets in French camping sites… there we go. English football hooligans… there we go, whatever that is… Mrs. Thatcher’s heart… there we go… oh, fuck that! I know, I’ll put a stone in, that’ll work! There we go…”

The next week, I think, people are coming back, going,

“Rwanda doesn’t work very well; infrastructure’s fucked.”"

"So in Europe, we had empires. Everyone had them - France and Spain and Britain and Turkey! The Ottoman Empire, full of furniture for some reason. And the Austro-Hungarian Empire, famous for fuck all! Yes, all they did was slowly collapse like a flan in a cupboard."

"It’s a secret, religious, weird, ceremonial rite of passage for girls that women know. Hopscotch, it was bizarre for boys, ‘cause they never played it, and as a boy, I was behind walls, going, “What- what happened? What did they do? What do they do here?” And they had a track laid out with numbers, mystic numbers- 1, 5… 7, 8, you know… A bit of a broken doll there, some girl keeping lookout with a skipping rope…"

"Cause if you're a transvestite, you're actually a male tomboy, that's where the sexuality is. Yeah, it's not drag queen, no; gay men have got that covered. This is male tomboy, and people do get that mixed up, they put transvestite there - no no no no! Little bit of a crowbar separation, thank you! And gay men, I think, would agree. It's male lesbian, that's really where it is, ok? Because… it's true! ‘Cause most transvestites fancy girls, fancy women. So that's where it is."

[Flanders]

Jack Black

Will Smith och Adam Sandler är med favoriter

[Tija]

Jag vill gärna nämna Varanteatern! Satt och slötittade på Varantv-dvderna häromdagen och fyfan vad kul det är...

"Nej. Där blir det nej. Bestämt nej. Skräddar'n säger nej!".

Och allihop är så söta... They're all you can ever ask for...

[beat]

Några sköna komiker är:

Robert Gustavsson - 'nuff said

Rowan Atkinson - "Uuhh...BEAN"

Jim Carrey - Behöver ingen närmare presentation

Conan O'Brien - Lätt den bästa talkshowhosten, spontan som få

Pablo Francisco - Riktigt härlig, bra på o härma och göra ljudeffekter

Killinggänget

Anders & Måns - om man nu kan kalla dom komiker, riktigt kul är de iallafall

[skribb]

John Cleese. Seth McFarlane. Will Ferrel. David LaChapelle (från Chapelle's Show). Sen finns det väl ett antal andra jag inte kan namnet på.

[pKz]

Drew Barreymore (Stavning?)

David Letterman

[Blaucrozz]

Chris Rock

Adam Sandler

Denis Leary

Eddi murphy

Jack Black

Conan O'brian

Robert Gustavsson

Dave Chapelle

Eddie Izzard

Det är väll dom bästa, finns väldigt många fler

[Tommy_Fido]

Jack Black äger alla.

[Halo]

Jim Carrey of course!

sen en annan, vet inte om det är så han heter men tror att han heter "Pablo Fracisco" !

[Frenzy]

Jack Black äger alla.

Ord.

[Sofie]

Jim Carrey

Stefan och Krister

Robert Gustavsson

Galenskaparna & After Shave

Helan och Halvan

finns säkert någon mer..

[Funnylin]

Denis Leary

Säger inte bu eller bä, men lyssna på killen som Leary påståtts ha snott sitt material ifrån, Bill Hicks (min avatar). Mycket bättre, mer äkta!

sen en annan, vet inte om det är så han heter men tror att han heter "Pablo Fracisco"

Francisco.

Redigerad 7 juli, 2005 av Funnylin

[Halo]

Säger inte bu eller bä, men lyssna på killen som Leary påståtts ha snott sitt material ifrån, Bill Hicks (min avatar). Mycket bättre, mycket äktare!

Francisco.

Ok nu vet jag